I left the relationship and searched online for a job overseas as a Nanny and left the country within weeks. After a couple of years I met up with friends did some travelling and headed home. By that time friends had started to settle down and get married but I had difficulty trying to settle and find my place in the world. I didn’t know where I belonged I was always the single friend, the third wheel and felt completely alone even though I had friends, I never felt a sense of belonging or connection. I drifted again and went on a two week holiday to North Queensland with family friends from my childhood and stayed, found a job and settled into Tropical life. It was fun and everyone was single and escaping something and felt very connected to a tribe of kindred spirits or misfits escaping reality.
During this time I had a few love interests from males who were unavailable but led to destructive consequences for me because I fell in love, one was gay, the other married and they both played with my heart and promised me the world to let me down again. Heartbreak is one of those things that just shatters from inside out, it never starts out as tragic, it starts out at a fairy tale and they promise the world and follow the script of the greatest romance but somewhere in the process decide that I am not worthy or deserving of love and belonging so they leave.
