To tell my story, I need to dig deep and be authentic because this is where the biggest lessons happen in times of deep vulnerability and I take full ownership of my life and absolutely responsibility because I saw the red flags and chose to ignore them. I gave this man so many chances and thought that whatever abuse or disrespect he dished out it was what I deserved and I had taught him that I did not love and respect myself and therefore he didn’t need to love or respect me either. I showed him that I would tolerate his behaviour and that it was okay and then became my own abuser in my life by allowing another man to treat me in such a way that was soul destroying.
He was a chronic alcoholic and was since the day I met him but you see what you want to see through rose coloured glasses and things aligned in a way by the Universe in my mind and that I thought he was the one. He never had a driver’s license, or sense of responsibility and was always totally dependent on me throughout the relationship but for me it was a role I felt totally at ease with being the nurturing loving person to take care of someone and thinking that they would love me in return. Sadly this didn’t happen and he never told me he loved me or asked me to marry him but by that time I wouldn’t have accepted it anyway, I had made my bed and invested in the relationship and invested my inheritance so I was tied to my decisions and there was no going back I just had to accept that this was my life and learn to deal with it and be at peace with the truth that I was truly not worthy of love and belonging and not good enough.
