I had developed a drinking problem going through this and is was literally what saved my life, if I didn’t have alcohol to cope I wouldn’t have survived and it lasted for years. I would drink to numb the pain every day when I got home from work until I felt no more pain and could sleep. Every night I prayed to god to not let me wake up in the morning and yet every morning I woke up. I had suffered from suicidal thoughts for most of my life at various times but it intensified now. Previously I had this strong belief that even when I thought about ending my life I would always think of my children and knowing the huge psychological and emotional impact children go through when a parent suicides this was not an option. I was their only parent and family in their life and for me it was at the time a huge burden. However, later when my children had their own struggles and I was questioning my own failure as a parent, the lure of suicide and being pain free grew very quickly and steadily and it was only a matter of time that I knew I would gain the strength to go through with it. It was when I had decided to do it that I then now know that my Spiritual Guides and Angels stepped in to protect me and I told my daughter that I couldn’t live like this anymore and I was going to book myself into Rehab and I woke up the next morning and began the process of choosing to live.
“We go through life dealing with things the best we know how at the time, and sometimes, often times, things are too painful, so we acknowledge them and then push them down, we bury them deep within our bodies, deep within ourselves.
And we think that’s it, we’ve dealt with it, it’s done, end of story! Well!?!?!? NOT TRUE! Like Miss Brown says…”The body keeps score, and it always wins!” Our bodies will tell us when they’ve had enough, when they can’t take any more, and when they’ve reached their limit. Trauma and secrets are like poison if we bury them in our bodies, and our bodies will begin to deal with that poison in the only way it knows how…disease, illness, etc. You get the picture? “The body keeps score, and IT always wins!
If we would find the courage to embrace all that is within us, even the dark parts, and deal with them- those very things will save us. But if we don’t embrace and deal with all that is within us- those very things will destroy us. It’s deep understanding that will perpetuate growth in the direction of freedom. It’s our truth that will save us and set us free. Our willingness to confront and fight the demons of our past will ignite a spark in the soul and cause our angels to sing.
Our pain must be the fuel for our strength.
If we would find the courage to embrace all that is within us, even the dark parts, and deal with them- those very things will save us. But if we don’t embrace and deal with all that is within us- those very things will destroy us. It’s deep understanding that will perpetuate growth in the direction of freedom. It’s our truth that will save us and set us free. Our willingness to confront and fight the demons of our past will ignite a spark in the soul and cause our angels to sing.
Our pain must be the fuel for our strength.”
-Myster Blu
The Body Always Wins
