Going Through the Motions

I had learnt how to maintain the relationships with both my mother and partner and just accept it for what it was because essentially I didn’t deserve more and I wasn’t worthy of their love and that’s just what I believed so just learnt to acceptance and it made my life a lot easier and I had my career and that was enough at that time and my children. The children and I were inseparable, they went to school, I went to work and the rest of the time we were together and never spent time apart except for rare occasions when they would go to their grandmothers for a period of time but this got less as they were not enjoyable times for them and I would get very anxious about what they would have to go through with my mother and the fear and anxiety of my childhood would set in, so it was just us. Their father was never a part of our life’s, he was just there, went to work, got drunk and slept and never was able to drive anywhere and never wanted to be involved in our lives just felt like it was his right to whatever he wanted and meet his own needs and not participate in family life and the few times that he did it ended up being very traumatic for me and I found it easier and safer to go along in life alone.