My children have always been my number one priority and their safety and wellbeing has guided my life decisions since they were born and this was the ultimate test but one that was not negotiable. In my work and home life I have been a strong advocate for child safety and whilst this has been an unpopular belief and practice for my family and those around me in my lifetime it is my one not negotiable. The universe, family members and relationships can throw anything they want at me and I can take it but when it comes to my children I have zero tolerance.
All the relationships I have ended with my mother, sister, and children’s father and love relationships after they were born and whilst they were still children were purely based on the safety of my children. It may have taken me a few times to learn my life lessons and subject myself to ongoing trauma and abuse once it became apparent that those abusers had realised that they count get to me so they would direct their abuse to my children to test my strength and they lost every time.
The red flags were small and as time went on and more control was taken away from me in the relationship with every decision that was made which had catastrophic consequences, and there were many but ultimately it was the cruelty and abuse that he subjected toward my children and my son that sealed the decision. His beliefs in parenting and building a strong man was to be cruel and belittling and I will never forgive him for the pain and trauma that he put my children through when times were particularly bad. It was supposed to be the happiest time in our life’s and a weekend getaway to the North Coast turned into the scariest moment of mine and my children’s life’s and I thank God and my spirit angels who kept us safe now.
From that moment on the relationship was over and trying to navigate out of this and keep myself and my children save was a huge challenge.
There were so many barriers and complications because of the power and control that he had over our lives and his alcohol abuse as well as a full-scale renovation that was our house. It was not finished and huge debt attached but for me it was about survival of my children and once that was evident the money and the rest wasn’t a factor. To get through it safely and without further trauma to my children I had to give over everything. I had to take all the financial debt, solicitors fees, issues with fixing the mess and allowing him to walk away with no consequences as well as off the money that he had taken from our joint account and put in his own private bank account. His nest egg that he had been accumulating over the years without my knowledge from our joint account that only later came to life when he refused to hand over financial records to the Solicitor and I was forced to override this against legal advice because of the threats of harm to myself. This was my punishment for wanting love and feeling like I had been deserving of my happily ever after but the lessons were presented and the money and the rest never mattered it was always about the children and their safety and wellbeing and my happiness and hardship didn’t even rate.
